A Jumbled Friday

China / Friday, May 25th, 2007

It’s been a while since I posted here. The last few days have been hectic. I remember the last Friday I was alone in the apartment in the evening as Birdie had gone on a date with one of her suitors. And strangely, I got so much work done at that time. When Birdie is around, everything is hopelessly undone. Not that she is the cause – but I am wondering why. It’s not even like Birdie and I sit and talk for hours together – we barely have two conversations a day, most of which is punctuated with “Ooohh! Too good! Wow!! Gosh! Jesus! Sexy!” and “Ooohh! Too good! Wow!! Gosh! Jesus! Sexy!”and “Ooohh! Too good! Wow!! Gosh! Jesus! Sexy!”

Well…I wish I can open my heart and tear my soul and talk like I have never talked before. Talk into the recesses of the night. Talk till the last word has dropped down the barriers of my throat. Talk till I can talk no more. Till the last sound I hear is the dripping voice of silence. Such talking that comes only when there is another to talk.

And I wish I can listen to the beating of another soul – peer down its depths and listen to the last echoes floating down its corridor. I am tired of the games played in the empty abscesses that our cowardly minds take refuge in – I wish to partake of the freedom of soul exchange – yeah, what crap you may be thinking – but I am tired of the mundane, lost touch with the extra-extraordinary. What I desire is that freedom that comes with an awakening. That awakening that comes with an outpouring. That outpouring that comes with the zilch, the zero and the zen.

I scarce know what I have written here but hell, this is supposed to be an online diary of sorts, and I am not supposed to know anything about myself anyway! Contrary conversations and mundane matters be damned!

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