Brings Me Joy


Reflections on 2017 / Tuesday, December 19th, 2017

There are days when life seems insufferable. We know. We have all been there. There are days when you just want to curl up in a little ball and forget that the world exists. We know. We have all been there. There are days when people seem cruel and unjust, and you just want to scream your lungs out in the pain of the hurt that surrounds you. We know. We have all been there.

I have had all those days in 2017. How beautiful a year! I don’t mean it sarcastically. It has been a truly transformative year for me in many ways. Many days have I had where I wanted to be the crumbling dust inside someone’s shoes, trampled underfoot, and forgotten. Many days when life just seems to stretch every stress sinew inside my head, taut and thin. There I would be – running, my mind a million thoughts of distress, and all of a sudden, I would see a wild orchid fluttering in the breeze. I would smile. I will always smile. On some days, I would look out at the sky, and be rewarded by a faint streak across an endless blue. Or a brilliant dash of purple anguish slapped through the ending day.

flower

I would look up in the night and a star would wink at me. I would marvel then – that this light that reaches me now must have taken so many years to reach here.

If the Universe can take so long to be light, who am I to complain of the darkness? My light will take time, but I will be an endless star, dying in a blaze of light; a flower that crumples in the sun and wakes in the morning, but I will continue my journey towards finding all that brings me joy, knowing that every moment of suffering is one step closer to that.

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