My Life Without Social Media – And The Bliss


Musings / Monday, February 11th, 2019

Irony is this. I design social media strategy and content for brands. I know social media marketing. I know what kind of posts go viral. I know how to increase engagement. I know this. Yet, I have no social media accounts of note apart from LinkedIn. I don’t even have WhatsApp! Somewhere, the Universe is laughing at me.

The backstory: Why I quit social media

Last year, I deactivated Facebook. I have always been a reluctant participant on FB. But I got back on FB in 2014 or so because I needed to post ads for my travel start-up, Trippin Traveller. Once there, I tried to use the platform in ways that I thought were me. Whatever that ‘me’ means. I would share content that I hoped would brighten someone’s day. I would share deeply personal posts that I hoped someone would find a degree of resonance with. I tried to cheer those I found struggling. And I laughed with the ones who were sailing through life. I know that a few of the ‘friends’ online really looked forward to those posts.

But then, in March, I walked away from FB. I just couldn’t handle the pretense any more. We all lead whitewashed lives of pure grandeur if you look at FB. I seemed to be the only one on FB who had any problems! Have a new boyfriend/girlfriend? Put it up there! Break-up with that person? Silence. Went on a vacation? Put it up there! Haven’t gone outside your house in three months? Silence.

This is not life. This is life as we wish others to know us. FB is the grand version of our greatest illusion – that we are all leading lives of great happiness, contentment, and joy.

So, when we stopped using Ads on Trippin Traveller and hired a social media person to handle the accounts, I no longer needed to be online. I logged off, ignored Facebook’s vile warnings that someone or the other would miss me (no one will), and have not looked back since.

I then stuck around on Instagram because my friend wanted me there. For a while, I posted a few pictures, scrolled mindlessly through countless memes. Then, in August last year, I went to Kollam, Kerala. I had this house by the beach. (If you know me, you know I love love the sea). The waves were peeking in. Dolphins were actually jumping around. The window showed nothing but an endless horizon of blue. And what was I doing? I was taking photos. And scrolling. Checking my phone each time for the notification of a like or comment. I stood by the window of our room, horrified, holding the phone in my hand, and then and there, I deleted the app and asked my friend to deactivate my account. (Instagram doesn’t allow you to deactivate on the app).

Quick stats

Social media usage has been known to decrease self-esteem. In 2014, researchers in Austria found that participants reported lower moods after using Facebook for 20 minutes compared to those who just browsed the internet. (Source: BBC). People using social media reported higher anxiety levels. The relentless comparison, cyber-bullying, and trolling have meant that social media use is also causing more depression.

Life without social media

So, how’s life for me without social media? I have LinkedIn because I ghostwrite a few “thought-leadership” posts there for appropriately famous people. I use Goodreads to track my books. But on neither of these platforms do I scroll. I have no WhatsApp on my phone. I don’t miss a single app. A single notification. I did go through some withdrawal pangs, pining for the artificial connection of a comment, but that quickly faded away, and I am left with this:

More peace

Blessedly, my phone stays silent except for text messages from the few friends who want to be connected to me.

More time

Staying away from social media has given me more time to read and do what I love. I am realizing more and more that time is finite. More than we think. And I want to spend that finite time with those I love and care for. Commenting or liking on yet another glorious post on FB or Instagram is not connection for me. Those are pseudo-relationships, crafted to give you a dopamine high for an instant.

More mindfulness

Not checking my phone constantly means that I really can be present more and more. I haven’t gone to a beach since August (My heart aches), but I can concentrate more now on just enjoying the moment. I find that I have more focus. I am not lost taking that perfect Instagram shot.

More connection

You would think that I would lose connections if I went off the 250 ‘friends’ on FB? Wrong. I instead find that I talk more. I pick up the phone and speak. Just simple communication the way it used to be before we complicated it. I have always struggled to have long conversations on the phone. I still do. But I can now have conversations. I like hearing the voice of a friend. I love meeting them in person. No. I don’t speak to 250 friends. Only a handful. The ones who disappeared when I left social media – well, I wish them well – but I don’t need to know about their life through broadcast messages. I want them to know mine. I want to know theirs. I want to know of the whole smörgåsbord of life changes we go through. Whenever I am at death’s door, am I going to remember some social media ‘friend’s’ comment? Or will I remember the friend who stayed with me all my life?

Let’s bear in mind that I am not against the use of social media. I believe that technology has brought us closer. I found some wonderful people online who I would never have met otherwise. But it has also driven us apart. We should use social media with caution. We should keep our ego aside when we communicate online. Troll is a word best used in ‘The Hobbit.’ Let’s leave it there. And as for that horrible word, ‘blocking,’ I shudder. I have been maimed and scarred by friends I trusted who used the ‘social’ tools of blocking to cause me indescribable pain and hurt.

We should remember that we are there to connect – use the platform to like and comment by all means, but don’t leave it at just that.

Reach out more. Our parents and grandparents built long-lasting friendships without WhatsApp and FB. We can do that too.

Pick up the phone. Don’t use the phone for just texting. But actually speak.

Meet. And when you do, for fuck sake, please keep aside your phone.  (Yes, I am using an expletive. Yes. Because I am so tired of people who talk to their phones instead of to the person in front of them. If you want to meet me, you meet me without your phone in sight. That’s a condition.).

Write letters. Not just emails. Actual handwritten letters.

Take a digital detox now and then. Switch off the phone or deactivate your social media accounts for a while.

FOMO is sometimes just hype. I like to think of FOMO as the Fun Of Missing Out. Not the Fear. Just what is it that you think you miss out if you are not on social media? I have no idea if my friend from high school got married in the year I have been away. Does it matter to me? No. I don’t know about all the endless vacations others have taken. If I am single, I don’t feel sad because everyone seems to be coupling up and showing cuddly photos. If I am in a relationship, I don’t feel sad that the single ones seem to be really living it up while I fight with my boyfriend. Can I give you the news? You are NOT missing out on anything. Social media is not a substitute for actual interaction.

Scroll sparingly. Follow only those who really mean something to you in your life. Celebrities, usually, are out of that list.

In The End
I don’t advocate anything usually on my website. But this I do – please connect more. In real life. We are a deeply lonely generation. We are forgetting the art of conversation. We use likes as digital relationship currency. We call out people as ‘social media friends.’ We shy away from revealing ourselves. We buy more, and yet we are becoming poorer. Make friends, please. Develop deep, nourishing friendships. And then, tell me if you are happier or not.

And hey – give me a call. :-). I would love to hear from you.

8 Replies to “My Life Without Social Media – And The Bliss”

  1. Agree whole heartedly.

    I stopped using fb months ago. I did miss connecting with some ‘friends’, but they were not close friends. I got over the missing out and felt calmer and less stressed from all the other crap that was posted on fb.

    Your words ring true.

    1. Ah, yes, Karen you did tell me you logged out of FB too. I still use FB through Swati’s account to check client business pages. Sigh. It makes me skin crawl.

  2. Absolutely agree!
    I miss the real relationships of connecting with people and sharing in their joys and sorrows. Our lives have become robot – like
    and clinical , unfortunately .

    1. We were lucky, weren’t we, Shail? We got through a large part of our adult life without social media. No wonder, we feel disconnected from today’s “youth.”

      1. We sure were . I got my first mobile phone only when my kids started going to school. And many kids nowadays get their first phone even before they know how to write! It’s good to belong to the older generation .

        1. I know! I remember we all used to use the good old fixed-line to speak. My accountant often doesn’t respond to our messages. When we ask her why, she says, “Oh! My kid keeps the phone with her!” That kid is 2 years old or something and watches YouTube. I shudder. I shudder to think of the world coming up.

  3. I was thinking on similar lines recently. My FB feed is garbage these days, made up only of adverts or people trying to promote their pages. Quora used be really good some six years ago, but is mostly just garbage nowadays. Linkedin is going down the same route, I feel.

    I guess it makes business sense for these platforms to incentivize quantity instead of quality, but I feel this discourages those who actually look for or contribute quality content.

    Maybe a restriction on the number of posts one can make on these platforms (say one a week), would make things interesting…

    1. The one word that keeps popping out, Sid? “Garbage.” I smiled when I read your post – somehow, social has nothing to do with social. It has become something for brands to exploit. I wonder where FB would be in the next 10 years?

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