What do you say when you have the verve for life, and the inertia of living? You say “ververtia.” I like coining new words, I just realized. Vladimir Nabokov too had a particular fondness for creating new words. Esteemed company indeed!
So, what do you do when you suffer from ververtia? It’s a peculiar state to be in. It is like being bound in chains while flying… on land. You feel free, as long as you choose to ignore the apathy of your existence. You feel free, as long as you recognize the apathy of your existence. You see, you feel free to feel free, but therein lies the rub. Freedom is never free. Never comes free, that is. And so you choose not to pay the price, expensive as buying freedom is, and that is when you slip into ververtia. You long to explore the boundaries of existence, to dip your feet in the moil and toil of living, and to set limits for your soul to overcome. But it takes time. Effort. Will. Courage. Respect. Carelessness. Reverence. And none of this can be bought in the supermarket.
So ververtia it is for me. But you know, the more I see people around me, I realize we are all the same. Everyone desperately trying to justify their existence. They move up and down some imaginary ladder that they call career, they marry because they fear that old age might creep on them faster than you can say ‘companionship’ and have kids because that is the next imaginary ladder called ‘fulfillment.’ Somewhere, in between, we can’t stop to think and see our soul. Because doing so would mean looking at that mirror called life and wonder what the hell it is that stares back at you.